solitude and straight horizons lead to heavy thinking - the possibilities of solid realizations and the all-to-easy chance to hang too tightly to stressors. southern mn is acting upon me again, up to its old games, and i’m (happily?) playing along.

not that i’m advocating a region is responsible for my current state of mind, but it certainly sets a familiar scene. here, where the wind blows errant across miles, where the horizon stretches endlessly and storms move across a powerful sky, here i should be able to let life move through me a little better. here, however, is where i learned to gather worry and future in one place, to hold on to it. everywhere else i have been has been a struggle to unlearn that habit.

it’s a habit not taught by anyone specifically, but comes as an outpouring of our modern society. i banty endlessly about expectations, particularly about not having them, but in truth my speech is more to (falsely) reassure myself that i don’t carry them. nearly all of us build expectations and toss them out in front of us. sometimes life matches up to them, but usually we hit our expectations like a brick wall. seated there, rubbing our stunned head, we stare in disbelief at a life that didn’t work out the way we expected it to.

and that’s the kicker - here in southern mn i am stuck with the realization that i carry expectations wherever i go - i’m just more adept at hiding them from myself when i’m elsewhere. that is, of course, until i get here and my internal thought processes have the space and time necessary to really get kickin’.

lately i’ve been trying to figure out my future, trying to place where in the traveling world i’ll end up. without noticing, i let bits and pieces of plans, vague chunks of future ideas, morph into a more solid picture. so in the last couple of weeks, as new paths have shown up and other pieces of the picture have fallen flat, i’ve gotten bunched up. life, which should be flowing along the plains with the wind, has been gathered in my arms and held tight. as a result it has become heavy, as has my mood, as has my level of stress.

it’s a mantra - no expectations - but one i’m not yet very skilled in following.

i was reminded lately, by a very, very good friend, of a good way to exist:

simply.

and she’s right, quite right.

upcoming rants (as i try to reconnoiter my head in the next few days and think out loud):
-simplicity in spirituality
-simplicity in life
-simplicity in attitude and emotion
-on travel and the wanderlust involved