life in antarctica is simple in that one’s choices are limited. here in mcmurdo, life is simplified by having someone else choose and prepare your meals, your recreation and travel limited by weather and distance, your social options limited by space and budget. at pole, it is simplified even farther - social options and outings determined in the same closed environment as a summer camp.

as such, the human experience becomes heightened. there are far fewer outlets for people to escape to, far fewer distractions to look toward. you are forced, in essence, to deal with the minutia of being human at all times.

i was raised in minnesota, in a farm family where frustrations and personal opinions were not voiced overtly. as such, directness is still alien to me, and i am used to it in situations of anger and dismay. here, distant from distraction and exposed to personalities birthed in locations far from my upbringing, i find bluntness frequently. find it, and respond to it as i am used to in my life, as i respond to anger and frustration. i mitigate, search for empathy, and attempt to fix the situation, even at my own detriment. i am angling to keep the team satisfied.

this leaves me, on a regular basis, watching myself in the third person, wondering if what i’m saying is truly what i feel. and that is the key point - what i feel, what i want. the statement of, “know thyself” holds very, very true. one cannot be direct, nor deal with those who are, if you are standing on something other than solid ground.

it is a conversational pace that is new to me, even with as varied a background as i have. it is a mental process recently exposed to my view, through interactions with good friends from distant locations and continued exposure to a world outside my comfort zone. it’s a damn good challenge and one of the most unique aspects of the upcoming winter.

so that’s what works for me, or what needs to, rather, to find solid ground, to speak when i know what i want or how i feel, and to hold fast when uncertain. i’ve been working for many years to step back from my role as a mediator without conscious choice - this appears to be a continuation of that pursuit.