Stepping away from the South Pole for my “involuntary” vacation (also known as Rest and Relaxation) in McMurdo gave me a chance to look at mid-season life with fresh eyes. What I had always known in the past, but had never taken a direct view too, was (and is) the exhaustion that we all face.

I have been told over and over that wintering at the South Pole will tax both my body and mind. That wintering will leave me with a poor short term memory and a difficult time with concentration, problem-solving, and conversation. What I had not seen previously is that the summer season can bring this on as well.

Returning from R n’ R allowed me to see just how exhausted our station population (self-included) becomes over a short season of months. Generally, we miss how dramatic the change is as we are all going through the process of it together. Leaving, even briefly, allowed me to realign myself around others who were not as tired and coming back made it obvious just how beat we all are.

So for myself, I withdrew. I took time to write, to think, to simply rest and to let my mind slow down. I paid for a massage (we have several professional masseuses here who take on clients in addition to their day jobs), found some time for saunas, set up my hammock (no small feat in a 6’ by 8’ room), and let go. I did not write in public very much, and both my exhaustion and our limited satellite time gave me an easy excuse to avoid the phone.

I am not alone in this. When you are away from the continent, you notice it. Friends who are in Antarctica and write on a regular basis slow down, their responses are limited or tardy in arriving. When you are here, it is sanity. There is a limit to how much energy one can expend and maintain a balance. Smart individuals pay attention to it, savor what they can, and work to recover when they need. Those who don’t figure it out decide not to come back, become an individual of extreme emotions (whatever form those take), or at worst, crack completely and leave. The majority of us get a handle on it. A few of us learn it well enough to balance both our lives here and our communication with our family and friends back home.

I’m working on learning to do better with the latter.

As for the exhaustion, my efforts are paying off. I’m beginning to find my way back to a healthy medium - no more defeated look or rings around my eyes.